Borderline Personality Disorder and Triangulation

• Poor sense of self
• Harsh judgments of self
• Extreme mood and behavior swings
• Impulsivity
• Erratic behaviors
• Risky, reckless behavior

Like other personality disorders, there are processes and cycles which those with BPD cycle through. They repeat these cycles in patterns. One of these cycles that a BPD sufferer is notorious for is the cycle of triangulation.

What is Triangulation?

Triangulation gets its name from the shape of a triangle, which contains three points. In any sort of connection, the individual with BPD will typically seek out the involvement of a third party in order to attempt and skew the relationship parameters to his or her advantage. This permits the individual with BPD to ‘gang up’ on the intended victim with the support and backing of another person who may or may not have any emotional interest in the relationship. Triangulation can develop amongst family members, friends, and romantic partners. For example, triangulation might occur when two youngsters seek to cover a broken vase to a parent, or when two friends side against the conduct of another. Triangulation itself is not always negative and can often be used as a means to express demands through a neutral person to assist remove any emotional stigmas or influences that could be misread.

Roles of Triangulation

As with any process, each player holds a specific role or function for the process to be effective. Triangulation is no different. Each of the players has a specific function in order for the process to work.

The Wronged

For persons with BPD, this is the position or portion that is commonly occupied. The harsh self-judgments have often distorted the psyche of the people with BPD to judging oneself as being fully excellent or entirely awful. Their every thought, word, and action relating to the occurrence has been replayed endlessly in their mind under the influence of either happy or negative emotions. As the position of the wronged, they will seek for the support and validation from someone close to but outside of the relationship. In many circumstances, they will choose this individual carefully to ensure that their activities and behaviors are verified by this third party prior to their involvement.

The role of the wronged is the primary initiator and can begin the triangulation process in a way that allows them to passively aggressive attack The Woeful.

The Woeful

This role is most typically represented by the individual in the direct relationship with The Wronged. This can be a parent, friend, sibling, co-worker, or lover. Many times, the individual playing this function in the triangulation cycle is unaware that the process has begun. In some circumstances, they are absolutely oblivious of the issue in which the people with BPD is referring to as it might be tiny incidences such as lengthy response time to a text or a plan with someone else.

The role of the sorrowful is one that can be used negatively by the individual in the direct interaction. He or she may see the behaviors or have gone through past cycles of emotional manipulation from the person with BPD to grow skeptical or frustrated. It is not uncommon for the spouse in the relationship to reach out to a third person (The Worthy) to help address and maybe settle these issues with the aggrieved as a final attempt to save whatever relationship may ensue. In many circumstances, this can involve therapy where the therapist functions as the third party communicator.

The function of the sad is to receive the communications and supposed affirmation from the Wronged and the Worthy.

The Worthy

The worthy role is the role which is occupied by a third party. This person may or may not have correct knowledge or intimate facts regarding the relationship between the Woeful and the Wronged. The BPD individual may utilize a buddy who is supportive and empathetic in a triangulation cycle with a partner or their husband in triangulation with a medical professional. It is the worthy’s obligation to provide emotional and occasionally bodily assistance to the wronged. They will often have only fully heard the one side of the tale offered by the mistreated. This permits them to naively be involved in disorder to bring to more chaos.

The function of the worthy is to act as the voice of reason and truth. He or she gives a medium from the wronged to the woeful to communicate and validate any wrongdoings and damaged feelings.

It is vital to recognize that there are variations of these roles as not every cycle of triangulation is as intense as the next one. The method of triangulation can be used in any perceived disruption in the BPD sufferer’s psyche. This can be something as basic as bruised feelings to full-blown suspicions of infidelity or falsehoods.

If you are in a relationship with someone who suffers from BPD, it is crucial for you to learn as much about the disease and the myriad symptoms that can accompany the disorder. If you are able to encourage your partner to get individual care and treatment as well as attending couples or family counseling sessions, you can aide them in the process of becoming a more calm and controlled individual.