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Nobody ever said that being in a romantic
relationship is easy… at least, not all of the time.
In fact, I’d venture to say it takes work most of the time in order for it to grow
and, ultimately, go the distance.
Despite it being the strongest bond two people
can engage in with one another, marriage may be the most fragile relationship
of all.
It’s quite the conundrum.
You see, finding each other was the easy
part… then there was dating, planning a
wedding, the honeymoon.
Maybe a baby entered the picture?
Let’s face it, once you uttered “I do”…
things got real!
And when things get real, they have a tendency
to weigh on a relationship… finances, work and family obligations, repetition,
boredom, loss of free time or personal space.
So what do you do?
How do you keep the relationship going?
Well, setting tangible marriage goals is a good place to start.
In this article, I will outline 13 marriage goals to help keep your relationship on track… and get you across the proverbial finish line, together.
I cannot begin to stress enough the importance of talking to your partner… and not
just idle chit chat about your day, but about real stuff.
Your feelings.
Your insecurities.
Your worries.
Your dreams.
Your partner may be your best friend… but he
(or she) is not a mindreader.
If something is bothering you, they need to
know. And the sooner the better.
Letting emotions fester will only lead to them
boiling over into an argument… an argument that likely could have been avoided
had you let your feelings be known sooner.
It is only natural to feel annoyed at your
partner now and again.
After all, living with someone day in and day
out for years can get repetitive at times… not to say that routine is bad. But it is just that… a routine.
Cooking meals. Packing lunches. Cleaning up.
Going to work. Driving here or there. Meetings. Activities. Bedtime rituals.
While there is definitely something comforting
about being comfortable around
another person… it poses its challenges.
I mean, when is the last time you read a
fairytale where the princess loved picking up her husband’s dirty socks from
the floor? Or the prince just couldn’t get enough of his wife’s snoring all
night long?
The best thing you can do when your
significant other is resting on your nerves, or testing your pet peeves, is to
take a step back and focus on their good qualities.
Go for a run and make a mental list of sorts –
pros and cons.
Maybe he doesn’t put his plate in the sink
after dinner… but he always helps you unload the dishwasher the next morning.
Or maybe she always forgets to close one
window after she’s been airing the house out… but she never forgets to pick up
your dry cleaning.
Trust me, for every little thing that “irks”
you… there are likely at least three more things that you love about your
partner. Important things that show they
care.
Love should never be about materialistic
things.
Sure, most people don’t head into a marriage
wishing they are going to be poor forever.
They have hopes and dreams, just like the rest of us.
That being said, keeping sight of what really
matters is where you will find a relationship’s true value.
Loyalty, compassion, trust, resilience… these
are just some of the things that a marriage needs to weather the worst of
storms.
When establishing your wish list of marriage
goals, think about the small things.
The kind and selfless gestures you can extend
to each other every single day.
Gather wildflowers on your morning walk to put
in a vase for your wife, who’s been taking care of your sick child for two
days.
Or perhaps you can surprise your husband with
his favorite meal after a long day at the office.
Leave a love note under your spouse’s pillow,
so he finds it when he first wakes up.
When it comes to love, and marriage, a
little gesture can say a lot… and is almost always guaranteed to get
you a smile.
Don’t
you just love their smile?
Just because you’re married, doesn’t mean you
should stop making romance a priority.
And one of the best ways to keep that flame
burning red hot is by simply going on a date.
Date night is a great way to leave the rest of the world and its problems behind you, even for just a little while, and focus on each other.
Forget about what happened at work or with the
kids… and just enjoy a break from it all.
A date can be as simple as going for a hike
and picnic lunch… or as fancy as dinner and a Broadway show.
Heck, maybe you can even pull off a weekend
trip in the wine country.
Dream
big!
Whatever it is you decide to do… just be sure
to make it about the two of you. Nobody else. Choose something you’ll both
enjoy and escape for a while.
If you ever wanted to try something new… there
is no better person to brave the unknown with than your spouse.
After all, they have seen you at your worst,
which means your marriage is a “no judgement” zone.
So if you’ve been dying to take up sculpting
or try a pilates class, why not get your partner involved in your new
hobby?
Nowadays, you don’t even have to leave your home… if that makes obtaining this
marriage goal more doable.
Life gets busy, I know. But adding something fresh and exciting to the
schedule can do wonders for the soul… not to mention your marriage.
Ballroom
dancing, anyone?
A classic mistake many couples make is to
distance themselves from one another if and when something is bothering them.
For instance, if you know there is a chance
you may lose your job – and decide to keep that from your partner – you are
also making the decision to deal with that gamut of emotions alone… instead of
as a team.
And, trust me, there is nothing to be gained
from flying solo.
Marriage is a partnership, a joint effort.
For better or worse, you committed yourself to
standing side by side with this person for the rest of your life.
Why?
Because you make each other better people… and
you are better together.
The only thing isolating your emotions will
accomplish is creating a divide between you. And that is never good.
As I said before, your partner is a lot of
things… but clairvoyant is not one of them.
Unless
you married a psychic.
If they don’t know what’s going on with you,
you will be forced to fight the battle alone… which is next to impossible to
win without your greatest ally in tow.
From a very young age, we were encouraged to
follow our dreams.
Family members. Coaches. Mentors. Educators.
At times, it felt as if they made it their
life’s mission to convince us that we were capable of anything we set our minds to.
Confidence is a wonderful trait… and also a
wonderful gift, once someone places it in you.
And that shouldn’t change when you get
married.
Supporting one another’s hopes and dreams is
one of the easiest marriage goals to master.
After all, just because you are now “two souls joined as one”… doesn’t mean
you don’t have your own hopes and dreams.
If you’re lucky, though, those dreams now
include one another.
Maybe it’s a bucket list of travel
destinations after retirement?
Or a business the two of your have always
wanted to open?
Perhaps you just want to sell the house and
put down roots somewhere else?
Encouraging each other’s dreams is a wonderful
way to show your support for one another… but it’s always a great way to start
a discussion about the future.
Our children are still very young, so when my
husband and I exchange a kiss in front of them, they just giggle.
That is, if they even notice at all.
If you have older kids, they probably roll
their eyes… maybe even utter the words, “gross”.
Eh… who cares? They won’t always feel that
way. Trust me.
In public, however, my husband has always been
very discreet with the PDAs (ps, those
are “public displays of affection”… in case you didn’t know).
He feels there is a time and a place for
touching… and I agree. But there is also a perfectly acceptable limit you can
exercise in public.
Hand holding.
Kisses on the cheeks.
Placing his arm around you on a park bench.
These are what I like to refer to as,
“PG-rated PDAs”.
Similar to your favorite family friendly
movie, these little gestures of affection won’t offend the masses… while
simultaneously letting your partner know they’ve still got your attention.
Try it. It’s one of the more simplest marriage
goals to execute and offers plenty of upside.
10 years married and four children later… my
husband and I still start and end every day with a kiss.
There’s nothing necessarily romantic about it.
In fact, I see it as more of a sign of respect and gratitude.
I’m grateful for the man that he is, for what
we have together and for his contributions to our family. And when we exchange those kisses, I feel
that he thinks the same about me.
Sure, sometimes it sends up a little spark…
but nine times out of ten, it’s just another way of saying, “thank you”. Not to mention, a great note to begin or
finish a day on.
Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you
should spend all of your free time together.
In fact, one of the marriage goals so many couples often overlook is the
need to give each other some space.
I’ll admit, I’ve been found guilty of this at
times… but, in my defense, I generally play the “kids” card when this happens.
You see, having four kids under age 10, can
keep a gal busy. Add to it that I’m a stay-at-home mom who works part time… and
that equates to my getting very little time to myself. Let alone, grown up
time.
I mean,
I’m lucky if I get to go to the bathroom uninterrupted.
So, when hubby returns from work, I can be as
bad as the kids are… vying for his attention.
I have
no shame.
And on those few occasions where we are gifted
a precious few hours off from the kids (i.e. the Holy Grail of parenthood), I
have a tendency to assume we’d like to spend them together.
Which is the case most times. I’m lucky that
we enjoy many of the same things – as well as each other’s company.
That being said, it’s also perfectly healthy
to encourage each other to get out with friends… or to an exercise class…
shopping… now and again. One of you simply offers to hold down the fort, while
the other enjoys some “me” time.
The trick is to be fair and make sure you
reciprocate equally.
When you agreed to get married, you
essentially entered in an unspoken agreement to leave the past behind you.
Who you dated before.
Indiscretions.
Questionable choices.
Good or bad, these things made you who you
are.
They made you into the person you’re partner
chose to spend the rest of his life with.
Thus, it would be unfair to use any of that
against them when and if things come up in your marriage.
Who they were is not who they are now.
Life’s circumstances have seen to that.
Your marriage has seen to that.
On that note, marrying someone you are hoping
to drastically change rarely works out in your favor.
So if you can’t live with their past… it’s
likely not a situation worth compromising your future over.
Life can pose challengers upon all of us.
That’s the way it works.
When you’re married, these challenges tend to
have a larger target audience… you, your spouse, your kids.
If you let the little things bother you, such
as a lazy co-worker or the town gossip, then you are essentially inviting them
to disrupt the delicate balance of your marriage.
It is important to set marriage goals that
will keep your inner circle a sanctuary, safe from outside influence and
pollutants.
It should be a place of love and calm. Where
you feel safe.
Do not let negativity in, no matter what.
Sure, you can talk about it with your partner…
but if you let it consume you, it will almost certainly have a negative ripple
effect on those you love.
In the heat of battle, it’s hard to see
clearly.
The same goes for arguments with your spouse.
When you are upset, it’s easy to lose your
temper and start spewing words that are not only hurtful… but that can leave a
lasting mark.
No matter how big, or small, the fight may
be… using the words “always” and “never” can cause things to escalate to a
point it didn’t need to go to.
Think about it…
“You never help around here!”.
“You always make me feel unappreciated!”.
Are these words really true?
Even though you may feel this way at any given
moment… it is important to take a step back and ask yourself if it’s the truth all of the time.
I’d wager it isn’t. That you wouldn’t have
married someone who ws innately lazy or made you feel bad.
So the next time you’re about to argue, make
it one of your marriage goals to remove yourself for a moment, take a breath
and change your wording.
Something like, “Lately, I’ve been feeling as
if I have no help at home.” or, “I’ve been a little overwhelmed lately and
would love if you’d acknowledge that.”.
These are two ways of getting your point
across, without using damaging remarks.
Words have the power to sting harder than any
punch when used the wrong way… and the impression they leave lasts much longer.
No marriage is perfect all of the time… but
nothing worth having ever is.
And if there were never any bumps in the road,
you’d never appreciate the end of your journey.
Setting marriage goals is
a good place to start when it comes to mapping out a future together. Being
mindful of them along the way will allow for smoother sailing… for many years
to come.
Nicole Krause has been writing both personally and professionally for over 20 years. She holds a dual B.A. in English and Film Studies. Her work has appeared in some of the country’s top publications, major news outlets, online publications and blogs. As a happily married (and extremely busy) mother of four… her articles primarily focus on parenting, marriage, family, finance, organization and product reviews.
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